I am going to a bachelor party in Vegas this weekend and I just got an email from the organizer that we are getting a stripper to come to our suite one night. I figured it was best to tell my girlfriend and she was basically cool with it. It’s not like I go see strippers regularly—it is a bachelor party, a once-in-a-while type of thing. But then she says that while it’s OK if I see the stripper, I can’t get a lap dance. I explained that strippers in that situation might kind of give everyone a little lap dance, you know, dance around you, let you put a dollar in her thong or whatever, but she said that was an absolute no-no. Sorry, I am not going to push a stripper away at a bachelor party if she is giving everyone dances. I understand that your GF does not want this to be a regular thing or anything like that, but I don’t see anything wrong with every once in a while at a bachelor party seeing a stripper and getting a dance. Strippers kind of expect it and it’s not fun to be the guy standing in the corner with his hands in pockets because his girlfriend says “no dances!”
Am I being a horndog or is she being too controlling? Jordan and Karen, what’s the move?
The question of whether you can see a stripper while you have a girlfriend debate has been around since girls realized we will pay them to take their clothes off in front of us. And if you are in the same boat as me, it probably feels like there is another wedding and the obligatory bachelor party around every corner. Since this is probably not the last bachelor party with someone named “ecstasy” on the guest list, it’s important to resolve this issue with your GF now so that you don’t have the same fight every time the best man decides that the husband to be needs to see some boobs.
First, I want to commend you on the first step you took. You were honest. It’s never good to lie about this type of thing and with digital cameras, facebook and old fashioned gossip – she probably would have found out anyway.
So, to dance or not to dance? To me, it’s important to feel like “one of the guys.” No one wants to be in a situation where everyone else can participate but you can’t. You should explain there will be plenty of guys there who have girlfriends/wives and this is just an infrequent thing that guys do at bachelor parties. Explain that you will do your best to not get involved and that at most it will be a few seconds of a girl sitting on your lap. Reassure her that strippers and stripclubs are not two of your favorite past times, and that the whole thing will only take a matter of seconds.
Then go on about how you are respectful of her and that this is no different. This is merely a few seconds of a nasty stripper (emphasize how disgusted strippers make you feel in general) sitting on your lap. Also… it is not guaranteed that she will sit on your lap. Though discounts abound in this economy, one of the safest bets in Vegas is still that strippers will make you pay to play. And if that is the case, you promise her your money will stay in your pocket where you can use it to buy her presents – not in a stripper’s thong. So, maybe the worrying is for nothing, and it won’t even be an issue!
I don’t think she is being too controlling or that you are a horndog. She is being your girlfriend and you are being a guy at a bachelor party. With that said, you were upfront and honest about what’s going to happen and managed her expectations. Leave it at that. Go to the bachelor party and if the stripper gives you a lap dance, she gives you a lap dance. You come home and you don’t bring it up. Should your GF ask specifically if you got one, downplay it. You aren’t lying to her, you are making it less of a big deal. Girls will be girls. If Jordan explained the same Vegas situation to me, I would react the way she did, however, I would know that it would happen anyways (and I’m sure she does too). We bring it up to make our feelings known and to instill a little guilt in you when it happens 😉
Jordan’s Response to Karen:
I think what Karen said was dead-on. A girlfriend has to express her concerns when another woman will be that close to her man. We both felt that the most important thing was your honesty. I never thought about the guilt angle, but we men must always remember how tricky a woman can be, unless of course the woman happens to be a stripper and then I guess any interaction will be pretty straightforward!
Karen’s Response to Jordan:
I agree with most of what you said. You want to be one of the guys and this is what guys do at a bachelor party with strippers. I get it. That said, no need to go into details about only a few seconds of her sitting on my lap, strippers are gross, etc. It’s not going to make it better. I am smart enough to know that strippers are only gross when they are gross. If a hot naked women is dancing on you, it’s not gross. You probably think it’s awesome. Give your girlfriends some credit! Downplay the entire situation and her reaction will most likely be far less severe. The more ideas and thoughts you put in her head, the worse its going to be for you.
Thanks for the advice guys! I tried to follow both Jordan’s approach of saying strippers are gross and Karen’s advice of downplaying the whole thing without spouting BS about how hot naked girls are icky. I basically tried to say that strippers are funny and not really sexual, that it will only take a few seconds and that she should just let it go because it wasn’t a big deal. When I called her out on just trying to make me feel guilty, she laughed because she knew I nailed her. So thanks for that one Karen! The stripper thing played out exactly how I thought it would. There were actually two strippers, one gross, one not gross at all. We all sat in a circle and they kind of gave us all dances, focusing mostly on the bachelor. When I got home, my GF asked if I got a dance, I said yes and that it was no big deal, and then she just dropped it. So it did seem that she really was just trying to make her feelings known and make me feel a little guilty (which totally worked by the way) and wasn’t really hell bent on making sure I didn’t get a dance. In the end, it turned out to be no big deal, so I am glad neither of us took a really rigid position to start with (I demand a dance! Never!) so that it did not turn into an unnecessary fight.