The Situation:
So I met this girl thru my sister and she’s pretty cool, but not great. We went on a date and hooked up after. Both were marginal at best. I know cooler girls and better hook ups. Truth be told I see this going nowhere but am not opposed to keeping it around with as little effort as possible because she lives a few blocks away. Problem is, she probably won’t put out unless I man up for a second date, but I’m so apathetic to the situation I don’t feel like wasting the time and money but I have nothing else on my plate right now and I always like having something going. She’s a good gal, just not my type of gal and I know I’ll see her again thru my sister so I can’t straight up disrespect her even if I wanted to (plus it would reflect poorly on my sister and the family name). I’m trying to balance this girl’s feelings, my sex drive, my sister’s reputation, and avoiding future social awkwardness. What’s The Move?
JORDAN’S ADVICE:
First, I think your sister’s reputation will most likely remain intact no matter what happens in this situation. You are an adult and presumably so is this girl (if not we never had this conversation). I don’t think she would hold it against your sister or that your sister would hold it against you if things between you and her went sour. Most relationships do at some point, after all. So you basically have to balance (1) your desire to get laid with (2) the possibility of hurting this girl’s feelings and future social awkwardness with her. Lucky for you, I think in this situation you can have your cake and eat it too. Here’s how it goes – you can have a physical relationship with this girl as long as you don’t lead her on. Hooking up is a two way street. You could always do something in between a booty call and a formal second date by inviting her out to a bar where you and your friends are. This would take the pressure off of a dinner date, but still be way classier than a booty call/text. I think if you invite her out or to meet up while you are out, she may become comfortable with you and you will be able to satisfy all your concerns. You get laid, no one’s feelings are hurt, your sister’s rep will be ok because inviting a girl out to a bar is nothing to be ashamed of, and you won’t have the awkwardness of knowing you booty texted this girl next time you are out with your sis. Basically, you get all four for the price of one! Billy Mays would be proud.
KAREN’S ADVICE:
I am assuming that she doesn’t have the same feelings for you that you have for her. With that said, you need to end things before it gets worse. Not only should you never lead a girl on that is into you, but you DEFINITELY shouldn’t do it if she is a friend of your sister’s. Using her because she is down the street and you have nothing else going on is no excuse. It will only lead to disaster. You have two options. #1: you can be honest with her and let her know that you’d really like being friends with her but you just aren’t ready for a relationship or #2: slowly start distancing yourself. I only give you option 2 because you only went on one date and I really don’t think you need to explain yourself to her at that point. It should be fairly easy to give her the impression that you would rather be friends without hurting her feelings. I would suggest #2. Not only will it avoid awkwardness, but she will appreciate you for it and your sister will too. There are plenty of other girls out there looking for a good time that you can “please” yourself with, it doesn’t have to be with your sister’s friend.
JORDAN’S RESPONSE TO KAREN:
I don’t completely agree with Karen on this one. There is nothing really to end at this point. You went on one date. This girl can make her own decisions just like any other girl, and as long as you are not acting deceitfully, I don’t see why she shouldn’t have the opportunity to accept or reject things. If she wants to be wined and dined and you don’t want to, then you go on your way. If she doesn’t mind meeting you out and then hooking up, I see no reason why this can’t go on. You really don’t owe her anything. You do owe your sister to not “screw over” her friend. So whatever you choose, be upfront, and don’t force the issue if it’s not there.
KAREN’S RESPONSE TO JORDAN:
You don’t take into account that if anything physical progresses with this girl, she will likely get the wrong impression and now you have found yourself in a mess. Girls look at things this way. If you invite her out to hang with you and your friends (and you’ve been on a few dates) she will assume you like her and like spending time with her. Yes you were trying to do a “classy booty call” but she doesn’t know that. If you truly don’t like a girl and just want to satisfy your sex drive, find someone with no strings attached, not someone that your sister is friends with and you will undoubtedly see again.
OUTCOME:
Good thoughts all around. Because I didn’t want to hurt the feelings of my sister’s friend, I took Karen’s advice to heart and planned to end up. I stopped the texting and booty call attempts. Then I was out for my sister’s birthday and of course this girl is there! Looming social awkwardness had arrived. Unfortunately timing wise, it hadn’t been that long since I stopped texting, so this girl seemed to think we were something more than friends as she was being quite affectionate while drunk. My sister actually pulled me aside to ask if any new developments had happened and I told her nothing had happened and nothing was going to. She thanked me for being a gentleman about it and I took that as my cue to give her the best birthday present ever: not taking advantage of her friend. So I paid my tab and left soon after. Hopefully, I won’t run into her until next year’s birthday.
What is the move? 